dream

“DREAMS ”
The moon and the stars are casting a heavenly glow down on the slumbering city at night,
Such a peaceful night,
It gives me a false sense of hope  and security.
Because ones I close my eyes again, those bittersweet dreams will appear.
Its like a broken records playing over and over again in my mind.

I lay my head down and say a silent pray.
I pray to god to take away the pain that I held on to for years.
I drift to sleep…
Closing my eyes
I dream of the improbable,
I dream of finding you.
I cry out into the darkness,out of regret,out of longing for the way things were.
Too late I guess huh?
I reckon it already is.
That’s why I love dreams…because even if its just for a moment,before I open i my eyes, I am able to see you again.
I always wake up in the middle of the night with an unbearable ache emanating from my heart.
It’s an ache that comes from loss.

These dreams are painful.
They’re always the same,
I find you, I chase you,I lose you-you’re gone.
I wake up I cry. I ask myself why.
This has been going on for as long as I can remember.
All they just serve to do is remind me of what I have lost,what I can never get back.
How could I lose something I never had?

Here I am,
I am running alone all in the midnight sky.
Hoping and praying with all my might,that we will meet again.
But I am just chasing after your memory…not you,no
My memory of you is slowly dying,and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
Sooner or later I won’t be able to remember anything anymore.
That’s what scares me. That those memories I’ve spent years trying to protect and defend, will be long forgotten.
They will dissolve  into the back of my mind.
This mirage of you,faint image of you
It appears in front of me.
Every time I try to get closer,you simply disappear.
I keep on running and running,but the dream always ends the same.
I am just wasting my breath and energy,
If I think things could ever truly change.
I don’t want to give up this endless dream or wasteful search.
Somewhere deep down inside of me,that tiny bit of hope that use to burn so brightly is suddenly going to die.

I am afraid of opening my eyes again;I want to stay like this.
I want to stay in this dream. I don’t want to wake up and face reality.

I am afraid of closing my eyes,and opening them again.
I am afraid of time escaping my hands.
I don’t want the world to move on without me.
So peaceful,in this dream anything is possible.
Even if its just a dream,
You return to my life isn’t improbable like it is in the waking world.

So I am stuck searching for what isn’t lost but can’t be found.
Running till find you again. Even though all hope has died.
These are the dreams that consume me,night after night.

 

 qina,

jauh

oh hati kuatlah

oh air mata jgn mnglir

oh perasaan knp bgni?

ap salah aku?

ap perlu aku buat untuk ubah semula ap y da jadi?

aq mnyesal tp da x boleh ubah apa apa.

knp aq x dbri pluang?

knp aq perlu teruskan semua ni?

iman aq x kuat.

mngalir bagai sungai deras tanpa mmikirkan kesan kpd tbing2 y ada di sisi aku yang sentiasa bersama aku?

aku perlukan hidup y berkesudahan mcm ni,tp knp aq x mmpu nk ubah semua ny?

aku bgai mnusia y berpusing menari tanpa irama lagu.

aku perlu mula semula bukan?

mncari nilai diri ini.

mencari ketenangan yang mungkit aq x pernah cari.

ap ad lg ke semua itu untuk aku?

layak kah aku?

diterima kah aku di sisi mu?

tuhan,mengertilah ap yang aku rasakan kini.aku perlu kehidupan baru tanpa perlu menoleh ke blkng mngenang semua onak dan duri yang telah aq lalui.

18 tahun yang panjang dan seandainya nyawa ini tidak panjang kerana kau lebih menyayangi diri ini kau matikanlah aku dalam iman, dan seandainya aku dberi pluang bantulah aku untuk mngejar hidayah mu...................................